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Caesar IV Heaven » Forums » Story Archives » The Lion And The Hawks - A New Story of Ancient Egypt
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Topic Subject:The Lion And The Hawks - A New Story of Ancient Egypt
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Civis Romanus
Angel
posted 08-02-00 22:14 ET (US)         
TYPE: High Adventure.
TONE: Dramatic with humorous sequences. Nothing silly.
FORMAT: One or more paragraphs per post.
CONDITIONS: Moderate violence is acceptable. No gross violence. Strong character development is encouraged.

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

ALEXANDER (THE GREAT): King of Macedonia
ANKHU: Egyptian, 18, former brick-making slave of the Persians; one of Alexander's Hawks; best friend and companion to Khumnhotep; enamored with Zhuo, a very young married woman of Tyre.
BASTAVAR: Persian Satrap, father of Farida; rules Egypt under the Persian king Darius III.
CHOMBYSES: Persian Magistrate in Asia Minor - now Chief Administrator of Halicarnassus under Alexander; in love with Redsenet.
EKREM: Chombyses' Captain of the Guards; mixed heritage - mother was Carian, father was Egyptian; betrothed to Sutaijha.
FARIDA: Persian princess, daughter of Satrap; served by Henutsen, the slave girl.
HENUTSEN: Egyptian, almost 17, sister of Khumnhotep, Sutaijha and Redsenet; slave to the Persian princess; her husband is Maatkare.
KHUMNHOTEP: Noble-born Egyptian, 18, former brick-making slave of the Persians; one of Alexander's Hawks. Older brother to Henutsen.
MAATKARE: Husband of Henutsen; disappeared during the revolt and rediscovered alive in Caria.
PERSEUS: Commander of the phalanx unit in Alexander's army to which Khumnhotep and Ankhu once belonged.
REDSENET: Egyptian, about 24 years old, older sister of Sutaijha, Henutsen and Khumnhotep and now their guardian. Herbalist, spiritualist, mystic; healer of Egyptian slaves and subtley false healer of Persians; in love with Chombyses.
SUTAIJHA: Egyptian, 16, youngest sister of Redsenet, Henutsen and Khumnhotep; helper to Redsenet; betrothed to Ekrem.
ZHUO: Tyrean wife of Tyrean man; given up by family in payment of debt; attracted to Ankhu, and suspected by a cruel, possessive husband who she does not love.

[This message has been edited by Civis Romanus (edited 08-30-2000).]

AuthorReplies:
Civis Romanus
Angel
posted 08-02-00 22:34 ET (US)     1 / 183       
The piercing sound of a leather whip snapped over their heads drew the immediate attention of the two 18 year old Egyptian youths making straw brick at the Nile's edge. One ducked as the other flinched in expectation of feeling the whip's leather end on his back. Not this time, it seemed, would the sting of the whip bring another red welt to be cared for during the night.

"Hurry on, there, slaves!" commanded the soldier in an Egyptian broken by the heavy accent of his Persian origins. The youths reluctantly picked up speed even as the soldier turned away to see to some other poor slave. One of the two gestured in the Persian's direction while the other narrowed his eyes and glared his hatred. But they said nothing that could be heard. To speak was to die under the sword of their Persian masters.

A young girl about their same age carrying a jug of water approached the whip bearing Persian. He took her proffered cup of water and leered at her even as he drank. She maintained lowered eyes to avoid the man's leering look and to invite no conversation. She turned as if to walk away, but the Persian grabbed her by the arm causing her to spill some of the water in her jug.

Anger grew within one of the two youths as he saw his sister struggling in the hands of the vile Persian...

Ramesses
Pleb
posted 08-02-00 22:50 ET (US)     2 / 183       
" don't touch her." muttered Khumnhotep, one of the slaves. He spoke loud enough for the other Egyptian to hear, but not his sister or the ears of thier Persian master.

" Someday Amun will save us, someday, Amun will save us." muttered the other.

At last the Persian let the girl go. For reasons unknown he suddenly began yelling at the slaves.

" What are you looking at, let's go." said the Persian, with the snap of the whip.


hope that was good. didn't want to devolp to many charectors at the begining. This is new to me, creating a charector, that i can't base a strong personality to yet. It's too early, so trying to keep the pace slower, for better charector devolpment.


"destruction leads to a very rough road but it also breeds creation" -Red Hot Chili Peppers, Californication
Rosenetka
Pharaolympics 2000 Competitor
posted 08-03-00 02:06 ET (US)     3 / 183       
The young girl quickly left, thanking the Gods that the Persian soldier let her go. She was the bravest of all the watering girls, they all feared the leering glares from this Persian. Others had been grabed by this one, and were not so fortunate as herself.

She took a quick glance towards her brother in the hopes that he would be looking at her so that she could signal to him that she was okay. She feared that he might strick at the Persian soldier and cost him his life. For he had defended her from other men in the past, before he became a slave.

Fortuna
Pleb
posted 08-03-00 08:48 ET (US)     4 / 183       
Here we go. This is my first time writing in a story. Please don't be too hard on me. Also feel free to tell me if I made any mistakes regarding the historical period (I don't know much about Egyptian history). If anybody can come up with the sister's name...

-----------------

Before she left, the young girl threw a subtle glance at Khumnhotep. The slaves hurried back to their work as their glasses were quickly removed from them. They knew that they would not get another chance at a break from their hard work for a long time. At least, this time, they were granted the privilege of seeing Khumnhotep's sister if only from afar.

Khumnhotep's sister was a rather tall, slender, suntanned young woman of 16. She had been taken from her home at a young age, along with her brother. At that time, the Persian rule was not as strict as it had now become. The Persians still tolerated the Egyptians' way of life, and allowed them to live peacefully under the Persian rule. That was until the current leader seized power and started taking young and old from their homes, relocating them sometimes hundreds of miles away. It was at that time that Khumnhotep and his sister were taken from their home and put to work as slaves: him as a hard laborer, her as a "house" slave. She had been told her fate was actually much better than most. She could work inside the home of the Princess and was one of her personal chambermaids. This meant that she had a somewhat better treatment than many other slaves.

She sometimes had the opportunity to work outside, in the wheat fields. It was tougher to work out there. There was the heat of the Egyptian sun, which could burn you in an instant. Then there was the constant thirst the slaves felt as they labored all day without reprieve. But for her, those few days she got to work outside the palace were reason for joy, as she could see her brother work. She wanted to be sure he was holding on for better times. Many others had not been so lucky...

Civis Romanus
Angel
posted 08-03-00 16:02 ET (US)     5 / 183       
Three well done story posts. Good depth being added. You all have the right idea. Think along the lines of a motion picture camera, except the camera's lens is your own view. Construct scenes, change scenes and direct characters' movements and dialogue just like you were filming a movie for the big screen. The only difference is you use words instead of visible images to fill in the scene.

Next step: Give names to the two unnamed characters - the first is Khumnhotep's best friend, the other 18-year old male slave and the second is Khumnhotep's sister. Having their names available gives the character identity and reduces the awkward repetition of descriptors like "Khumnhotep's younger sister" and so forth. Ramesses, please give your best friend a name; and either Fortuna or Rosenetka, please give the sister her name. Anything sounding Egyptian will do. It need not be historically accurate or precisely Egyptian.

I will join in with a new story post when I see what names you've picked.

Rosenetka
Pharaolympics 2000 Competitor
posted 08-03-00 18:55 ET (US)     6 / 183       
Send you an e-mail but just in case...how about Henutsen.
MRed94
Pleb
posted 08-03-00 21:21 ET (US)     7 / 183       
In the small village nearby where most of the slaves lived in hovels, was an herbalist called Redsenet. She was the one all of the slaves went to in order to have their wounds and other small hurts tended to . She was one of the more respected slaves, being an herbalist. Her skills with needle and thread, and herbs and salves, was unparalleled. She was often called upon by the Persians to minister to them.

They were unaware that besides being an herbalist, Redsenet was also gifted with some mysterious powers. She knew how to do some feats of magic, and she also understood the ways of the spirits.

When the Persians would come to her for advice or healing, she would treat them. Then, mysteriously, months later, something strange would happen. The person she had treated would sometimes lose their minds, or parts of them, or some dreadful accident would befall them. Many of those she treated were no longer in positions to harm the slaves.

Nothing was ever linked back to her, as it was always months after they had seen her that these things would happen. Often these things would be insidious, occurring over a long period of time.

When she treated the slaves, however, she was able to impart to them a sense of well-being, and most often they would become healthier and stronger after she had ministered to them.

She always had a kind word, a soft touch, and a small drink of a special potion on hand for them. Many times she was able to relieve the pain of their wounds with just a touch.

Word had spread of her gifts, and she was becoming more well known throughout the land.............

Civis Romanus
Angel
posted 08-03-00 21:31 ET (US)     8 / 183       
MRed: Welcome!

It was to heal her scrapes and other lacerations received at the hand of the barbaric Persian soldier that Henutsen, the young sister of Khumnhotep, visited Redsenet in her hovel.

Meanwhile in their own hovel, Khumnhotep and his best friend plotted their escape, the two Egyptians speaking in the quietest of whispers so that no passing Persian could hear anything that they said.

[This message has been edited by Civis Romanus (edited 08-03-2000).]

SethsRaven
Pleb
posted 08-03-00 23:50 ET (US)     9 / 183       
not terribly good at collabarations let alone online ones shared with several folk

Redsenet knew this Persian who had grabbed the water bearer; she had observed him for several months and had barely avoided being one of his victims.

But the water bearer was her baby-sister and wasnt about to let the guard have his way with her. To this end she concocted an herbal brew and had her sister bring it to the guard near the end of her rounds the next day.

[This message has been edited by SethsRaven (edited 08-03-2000).]

Fortuna
Pleb
posted 08-04-00 01:05 ET (US)     10 / 183       
In his hovel, Khumnhotep quietly waited for the guard outside to finish his rounds. Then, he got up, went to his straw bed, took out a tightly-rolled papyrus, and showed it to his friend. Together, they studied the map at length, being ever so careful not to awaken the other slaves sharing their humble hovel. Even if they could escape, the road ahead would be long and difficult.

Meanwhile, in the palace, the healing touch of Redsenet having worked wonders for her, Henutsen was going back to her own quarters, which were located right next to the Princess', in case the latter wanted to call on her slave during the night.

- A slave must be available at all times, the Princess always said. Otherwise, there is no point in having one! she added.

Despite those harsh words, the Princess was actually fond of her slave, and would hate to lose her. She had seen her grow up in the palace, and the Princess had developed somewhat of a bond with Henutsen.

Henutsen was still awake, and found it difficult to sleep that night. She often thought of her brother... but that night, she was kept awake by the thought of the brew that she was to give the guard the next day. Redsenet had assured her, however, that this herbal brew was only intended to have a temporary effect: the Persian guard would be asleep for most of the day, but his symptoms would look to be nothing more than a temporary lethargy, perhaps due to alcohol, so as not to awaken suspicion.

Earlier that evening, in the Great Hall, the Princess had had a visit from the High Priest. He informed her that the gods had spoken to him about the slaves' discontent...

- Beware, the Priest said, for some slaves are unhappy with their living conditions. Beware for they might try to change them...

Having said that, the High Priest had talked some more with the Princess, and only left late that night. As fate would have it, the Princess also had trouble sleeping, as she was thinking about that conversation with the High Priest. She knew that he was in contact with the gods, and that when he spoke, he was rarely wrong.

That night, in the palace where all should have been dark, two candles were still burning under the star-laden sky.

Rosenetka
Pharaolympics 2000 Competitor
posted 08-04-00 02:37 ET (US)     11 / 183       
That night seemed like an eternaty to all concerned. The Princess knew that should this warining reach the king, Darius III, he would give the order to randomly kill the slaves. She did not want this to happen. She did not care for the king and neither did her own people the Persians or the Egyptians. After all he had his eunuch Bagoas drink his own poison, silly Bagoas. It was Bagoas who got Darius III his throne by killing his father, Arses and the uncle of his father, Artaxerxes III. No wonder her own people did not care much for Darius III, king of the Persians and pharaoh to the Egyptians. He was a weekling.

In another room, Henutsen was not only thinking about her brother and her task at hand but was also feeling the empty pain of a lost child, who died within one moon cycle. Her arms ached also for her husband, Maatkare, whom she did not know was still alive or not. She only knew that he escaped slavery and was going to join an army. She prayed to the Gods that he was still alive somewere and that they would be reunited one day.

Khumnhotep and his friend ,Ankhu, had it all planned as to when and how they were going to escape. They would do it after the Opening of the Mouth ceremony for Khumnhotep's father, who had died almost 70 days ago, and his body was ready for burial tomorrow. After the ceremony, when the feasting would be going on the two of them would slip through the crowd and steel away during the night.

[This message has been edited by Rosenetka (edited 08-17-2000).]

Xeno51
Pleb
posted 08-05-00 10:14 ET (US)     12 / 183       
"Oooohh! I don't think I'll live another hour!"

It wasn't really Redsenet's fault. In the dark - the lamp had been put out to allay the curiosity of the Persians - she had mistaken one jar of herbs for another, similar in texture but far more violent in its effects. The consequence was that the guard Thesroes was getting stomach cramps a month early.

"How could this have happened?" asked the captain of the guard.

"I don't know.....ooh, by Ahuramazda, the pain is evil! The food last night was fresh enough....Wait! That old herbalist, what's her name! She gave me something to drink, she did...a broth of some kind. The old witch!"

"Redsenet?" asked the captain of the guard. She's never done anything like that before.......but she despises us, it's well known. I wouldn't put it past her!"


The next morning, Khmunhotep and Ankhu, after finishing the morning's quota of bricks, washed their hands and left the work camp, to help prepare for the afternoon's ceremony. "Wait a moment," said Ankhu. My foot is still very sore from when that brick fell on it. I'll just call on Redsenet for one of her quick healing pastes." He went down the street f little hovels until he arrived at a low dwelling, the eaves of which were hung about with mystic symbols. He pushed open the little door. "Redsenet? Are you there?" The room was silent. Although the herbalist's weaving frame, clothes and personal belongings were there, her cauldron had gone, as had some jars of herbs. He went into the kitchen. She had gone, and left no apparent trace.

Ankhu went back to the front room. It was then that he saw that the bolt on the door had been forced; it was half broken off.

Civis Romanus
Angel
posted 08-05-00 12:16 ET (US)     13 / 183       
The Princess pleaded before her father in the Great Hall of the Governor's usurped palace. "It's for only one day, father. Let Henutsen and her brother attend the Opening of the Mouth Ceremony. It is their father afterall."

"But they are slaves, daughter. And their father conspired against us. Why should I do this thing?"

"Because he was a nobleman in this land and they are children of nobility. Yes, they will be slaves for the rest of their lives; so will this one day matter so much? If the situation were the opposite don't you think I would want the same if it were my father."

"Thank the gods and the Persian army it is not." Then he sighed. "I will grant this permission, daughter..." The governor shook his head in resignation. "I rule so many in this land, yet you are the hardest by far of all."

Just as the Princess rose to leave, two Persian soldiers entered the hall with a middle aged woman being escorted roughly before them. "Is that not the herbalist? Father, are you ill?" she asked, alarm growing in her voice.

"No, daughter, but these soldiers claim she poisoned one of them."

Indeed, the rumbling in the bowels of one of the soldiers seemed partnered with his stride. This unfortunate soldier had a somewhat paled face with tinges of green. He glanced about the room looking for someone or something even as he walked towards the Governor's chair. It must be behind the Governor's chair, he thought. I'll keep that in mind if this 'problem' becomes uncontrollable.

Before the Governor they stopped and bowed, then thrust the herbalist forward to be addressed by the Governor and to answer his questions. Redsenet stood there glancing from the Governor to the Princess waiting for someone to speak.

[This message has been edited by Civis Romanus (edited 08-05-2000).]

SethsRaven
Pleb
posted 08-05-00 12:37 ET (US)     14 / 183       
Sutaijha, the sister of Redsenet. Was supposed to give the poisoned water to the guard hid in a small alcove in her sisters room when the Guards came to their house and interogated the herbalist for over an hour.

The Captain-of-the-guard was quite suspicious of the witch for what had happened to his lieutenant. Now he had something with which to imprison her.
But Redsenet was a clever woman and had easily evaded the Captains questions, but he was not dissuaded and drug the woman to the palace and placed her in one of the dank dungeons.

Sutaijha fell asleep in her alcove, only to be awakened several hours later by Ankhu. She crawled out and ran after the boy. She caught up to him close to the nearly completed Temple, that the slaves were working on.

"Sutaijha! Where is Redsenet? I was just at your house."

"I know," She replied, still slightly out of breath. "The Captain came by and questioned her for quite a while, but she was still taken away."
Ankhu took up his friends hand and wondered how he was going to get out of the city with the Persians now onto them.
"Ankhu Im scared, what are we going to do? We have to get my sister out of the dungeon!"
"We cant, their are guards all over the palace and only a persian and certain slaves are allowed into the jails."
"Henutsen is the Princess' slave, maybe she can get us into the dungeons?"
Ankhu nodded and left the hovels to make their way up to the palace.

[This message has been edited by SethsRaven (edited 08-05-2000).]

Rosenetka
Pharaolympics 2000 Competitor
posted 08-05-00 14:07 ET (US)     15 / 183       
While the herbalist, Redsenet, was laying before the feet of the govenor, Bastavar, all he could think about was his discussion he had just moments ago with his daughter, Farida.

"I think I named my daughter all too well. Should have picked a name that did not mean proud or headstrong. Should have picked a name that meant love or politeness. Oh well, she is well named." he thought to himself.

He looked at Redsenet and said sternly, "Well what do you have to say for yourself?"

"I plead guilty, oh Great Satrap Bastavar. The ill guard had come to me earlier this week for an ailment. I was not paying attention when I mistakenly picked up the wrong herbal tincture. I promise, oh Great Satrap Bastavar, that this guard will recover to his normal self. He will only be ill for a couple of days." Redsenet said while still laying before Bastavar's feet, face down.

In the back of her mind she was thinking, "I have to contact Henutsen and tell her not to put the tincture into the Persian soldier's water. I will be discovered if she does, because it is the same tincture that this guard took."

Bastavar sat up, walked to the windows and thought for a moment as to whether he should have her imprisoned or not. After coming to the conclusion not to he walked back to his seat and told Redsenet, "Get up woman, I will allow you to go this time. But if you should be brought forward to me again for the same reason, you will not be so fortunate then."

Redsenet got up, with head still bowed down, "Oh, Great Satrap Bastavar, may I be able to speak with my sister Henutsen about the Opening of the Mouth ceremony for our father? We still need to discuss who will represent Isis and who, Nephthys."

"Yes, now leave." Bastavar said with annoyance in his voice.

"She should still be at the water well, she left not long ago." stated Farida to Redsenet. "Thank you.", was all she said. "I hope it is not too late." Redsenet thought to herself as she scurried away.

[This message has been edited by Rosenetka (edited 08-05-2000).]

Xeno51
Pleb
posted 08-05-00 18:43 ET (US)     16 / 183       
"One more dip," said Khumnhotep, "then we can go." Henutsen waited impatiently by the well. She did not see the guard come up behind her. He had often tried to get friendly with her before, but not for a while. In any case, her mind was on other matters.

"Well, well, little Henutsen! Still as pretty as ever!" She spun round, or tried, because he was gripping her arm. "What's this about your poisoning old witch of a friend?"

"She is NOT a witch!" Henutsen cried, and at that point she lost her temper and slapped him with her free hand. It was a foolish thing to do. "What, you impudent goose!" He seized her wrist and twisted her arm behind her back. Instinctively Khmunhotep leapt across and struck the guard in the face. The guard dropped Henutsen and fell upon her brother, raining blows upon him with his stick until finally he was master of the situation. "Now, you stupid little swines, you will see what we do to disobedient slaves!" and, taking them both by the arms, marched them towards the guard house.

[This message has been edited by Xeno51 (edited 08-05-2000).]

MRed94
Pleb
posted 08-05-00 23:27 ET (US)     17 / 183       
While the drama at the well was occurring, Redsenet was walking toward them. She saw what was happening, and with a small, subtle motion of her left hand, saw the guard suddenly cry out, and let go of his prisoners.

He then fell to the ground and began twitching in a most unbecoming manner.

Redsenet knew that she didn't dare be seen right at that moment, and ducked behind a curtain hanging over a vendor's stall a small distance from the well.

Two other guards, walking down the street from the opposite direction, saw the commotion by the well, and went hurrying toward the fallen guard.

Khumnhotep and Henutsen, scared by the guard's sudden illness, stood nearby trying to decide what to do. The guards hadn't seen them being accosted by the fallen guard, so they were ignoring them.

They decided that the most prudent course of action was to slip away quietly, and they did so.

In the commotion, no one noticed them leave.

As they were passing the stall that Redsenet was hiding in, she quietly exited the stall, and followed them away.

At the far crossroads, she met up with them, and pulled them off to the side. She then told them what had happened to her at the governor's house, and cautioned Henutsen about the potion. Henutsen promised to get rid of the potion at the first opportunity.

Fortuna
Pleb
posted 08-06-00 01:54 ET (US)     18 / 183       
Meanwhile in the Great Hall of the Palace...

- You should beware of that ... "magician", Farida, the Governor said. You never know with those Egyptians... She could be trying to kill us! Maybe in the future we should call upon one of our own Persian healers. I could send a message to King Darius to ask him if he would send us one of his best Persian healers.

- But, Father, she is the best healer in Egypt. She is reknowned in our Empire, and her knowledge of ointments and herbs surpasses that of most Persian healers.

The great Satrap remained deep in thought after what Farida had just said. He himself knew of no one who possessed Redsenet's healing powers.

- I think you are right, Farida. I will keep Redsenet for now and just have two guards keep an eye on her.

The Governor motioned to the guards.

- Captain, assign two men to supervise the herbalist, and report back to me if anything happens.

The captain left the room, taking two men with him. The Governor was assured that the herbalist's actions would be monitored without her knowledge. The guards were known to be loyal to him. Of course the punishment for treason was enough to guarantee their loyalty. Bastavar felt relieved.

Rosenetka
Pharaolympics 2000 Competitor
posted 08-06-00 09:42 ET (US)     19 / 183       
"Wait!", shouted Bastavar to the guards. They stopped abroptly and sturned back into the room. "Yes?", inquired the captain.

Bastavar looked at his daughter, she returned his look with sterness. "Tell all your men that this afternoon that the Egyptians do not work, so that they may participate in the funeral."

"It's called The Opening of the Mouth ceremony, father." Farida stated sternly and softly.

"Whatever." He turned back to the captain. "Just make sure that all your men know about this. I do not want an incident, okay, do we understand!"

"Yes.", all three said in unison. They waited for Bastavar's order for them to leave, just incase he had another order to give. "Leave!" ordered Bastavar with a wave of his hand, palm down, towards them. The captain and the two guards left. One of them feeling still sick to the stomach, but without the pain. "I guess the hag was telling the truth after all", he thought to himself.

Meanwhile....

"Henutsen, we still need to discuss who will be Isis and Nephthys this afternoon. Do you wish to be Isis and I can be Nephthys?"

"Okay, sounds good to me. What about the implements? Who's looking after attaining them?"

"Sutaijha is. Which reminds me, did anyone see her today yet? She was with me when the guards took me from my apothacary. I hope she is alright." worried Redsenet.

Just then Ankhu and Sutaijha appeared around the corner. Redsenet gave a big sigh of relief.

"Are you two ready for this afternoon?" Khumnhotep asked, with a grin, to Ankhu and Sutaijha. The two were still holding hands. To all that knew them, their friendship appeared to be becoming more since the death of Ankhu's brother, who was Sutaijha's husband.

"Yes," they both said at the same time. Then they looked at each other and giggled. They were brought back to reality with Redsenet's loud "Good!".

"So who is going to be Isis and Nephthys?", asked Sutaijha. She was born between Khumnhotep and Henutsen, making her 17 years of age.

"I am going to be Isis and Redsenet is going to be Nephthys." replied Henutsen. "We should get back to work before any of the guards catch us not working.", she said worriedly, looking around her for any signs of guards in the area.

"Good idea." said Ankhu as he let go of Sutaijha's hand. He and Khumnhotep headed off towards the construction site of the new temple, to make their quota of bricks. Henutsen followed them, to hide herself from the construction guard that had grabbed her yesterday.

"Glad to see that you are still amongst us and are not injured." Sutaijha said with relief, then headed towards the water well to fill her container, she was also a water bearier for the construction site. Redsenet thought to herself as she headed towards her apothacary, "So am I, so am I."

Civis Romanus
Angel
posted 08-06-00 12:02 ET (US)     20 / 183       
Character detail: Please take a moment to check my character bio's in the header to this thread. Let me know if I'm in error on my interpretations. 'Tis a tangled web we are weaving, but it's great. Plot suggestion: Their escape from Egypt should be intertwined with the ceremony. Remember, the slaves aren't working, but the whole ceremony and procession path will be heavily guarded by Persian soldiers "to keep the peace". First, create and discuss the escape plan, then execute the escape plan, deal with the mistakes and unplanned problems, then complete the escape. Maybe somewhere during the escape is the time for the "grabby" guard to get what's coming to him? Again, this is only a suggestion and meant to help.

[This message has been edited by Civis Romanus (edited 08-06-2000).]

Rosenetka
Pharaolympics 2000 Competitor
posted 08-06-00 13:08 ET (US)     21 / 183       
Sethraven mentioned that Henutsen was Redsenet's baby sister. As well as Sutaijha was her sister. I have been keeping this as their relationship. How Ankhu's brother died wasn't mentioned...yet. But the revolt is a nice idea I had mentioned that Khumnhotep and Ankhu were going to use the celebrations after the ceremony as a cover for their escape, because there would be a lot of people moving around and the sun would be starting to set making longer shadows for them to hide in. Hiding in the shadows is just an idea, you don't have to use it. Sutaijha's husband was Ankhu's brother. I think that's it. I was thinking we could make Redsenet 24 yrs old, since she has siblings who are 16, 17 and 18 yrs of age.

[This message has been edited by Rosenetka (edited 08-06-2000).]

Caesar Ishaius
Pleb
posted 08-06-00 15:03 ET (US)     22 / 183       
I want to join this story but I have no idea about what to write, and I have no char I can use. Can someone help as I feel this is the only story thread left alive here. And can Redsenet use magic powers?
SethsRaven
Pleb
posted 08-06-00 16:07 ET (US)     23 / 183       
Well lets consider that the guards calling Redsenet an old witch to be an insult and not a description of her age. That would work and make sense.
And hiding in the shadows would be one way of getting out of the city.

[This message has been edited by SethsRaven (edited 08-06-2000).]

Rosenetka
Pharaolympics 2000 Competitor
posted 08-06-00 16:55 ET (US)     24 / 183       
SethsRaven, that was the idea I had in mind.

Caesar Ishaius: You can write about any of the characters that are already established. That's what others are doing, including myself. Read the posts and jot down notes, i.e. names, incidents, who's who and what, stuff like that. Read the first post, very important, for more information you may wish to read post #16 by Civis Romanus in the Call for Story Ideas. As for Redsenet having magical powers, it would appear that she does from post #17 by MRed94. Since she is a herbalist, she would most likely be in tune with Mother Nature and possibly other elements that surround us. You may wish to work on that idea for her magical powers. (suggestion)

Fortuna
Pleb
posted 08-06-00 18:30 ET (US)     25 / 183       
After her daily duties, Henutsen headed to Redsenet's dwelling. The Persian guard would allow members of the deceased's family to meet to organize the following day's activities. The siblings were also planning to discuss their escape. As her feet carried her through the narrow streets, the young woman was lost in thought. A vision of the past had surfaced. It was her first Opening of the Mouth ceremony. The event, reserved for Pharaoh and the nobility, was held for the funeral of her own mother.

Henutsen remembered the good times, before the Persian invasion. She was only a little girl of four then. Her mother was to bear a child in the Spring. The High Priest had foreseen a second son added to the noble household. Unfortunately, his predictions had omitted the death of the mother in childbirth. As if to curse the Egyptian family, the gods had also taken the life of the newborn that same warm night. Her father had been so grief-stricken that he had never remarried. Redsenet had taken over the raising of her siblings for a few peaceful years. Memories of the Persian victory and their own slavery brought Henutsen back to reality. She had reached her destination.

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